how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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