Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
