her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
