Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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