yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
