What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
