you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
