i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
