First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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