just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
