also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well you can't waste a boner
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
