Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My dick has a subreddit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
