you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
