as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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