Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She announced her abortion via fbk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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