So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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