He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
