I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
