Non-Jews are for practice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
