i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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