I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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