Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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