I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
