How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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