Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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