Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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