I have demons in me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
