so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
