hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
