you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
