My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
