My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
