I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
