just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
True strength comes from lack of pants
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
