Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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