sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
