The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
