I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
