im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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