come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
