Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
