i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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