Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
