So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
