You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
