So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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