I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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