Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
