I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
