Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
