You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
