I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
