it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
